My Grampa And A Dream...

I woke up this morning in tears. Like ugly crying face tears. I can't remember my dream vividly, but I know the last image I saw was my Grampa. At that point, I jolted awake with tears streaming down my face.

December 27th marks the 1-year anniversary of my Grampa unexpectedly passing away. With that tough anniversary coming up a mere 9 days from now I think that could have something to do with the dream.

But maybe there was more.

For those that don't know, I am a part of Tedy's Team because of my Grampa and my Gramma. Tedy's Team raises funds and awareness of the fight against Stroke. Both of my grandparents are Stroke survivors and thus my Stroke Heroes.

After my Grampa passed away, I kept his memory alive with me every step of the training towards the Boston Marathon this past April. I wrote Grampa on the inside of the Sparkly Soul headband I wore for every training run and the race itself.

I've always wanted to make him proud. So I took running in his memory to heart and made sure to give my all every training run and thought of him when I wanted to skip out on a workout because I was feeling lazy.

He has always been one of my role models and idols.

For the past month of so - okay probably longer - I have felt like something has been missing. I'm working to put a finger on what exactly that thing is, but I can't find it. I've gotten discouraged on my journey to figure out the piece I need to replace in the puzzle of my life.

I think my Grampa appeared in the dream to reignite my motivation and to remind me that he believes in me. Now, could this all be made up in my head?

Sure. Anything is possible.

But, I can tell you since waking up this morning, I have a renewed feeling of hope. The hope slowly dissipated as the discouragement took over.

So Grampa, thank you! Thank you for giving me just what I needed even when you are physically not here. :)

***

Have you ever woken up from a dream in tears?

Oh hey Mojo, There You Are!!

One event can throw one's whole mini universe into a tailspin. Yup. That happened to me.

On December 21st, my mom sat me down and told me that my Grampa was diagnosed with cancer - melanoma to be specific.

So please friends wear sunscreen!!

My mom told me he had about 6 months to a year to live. Okay, not long enough but a timeframe I could work with. Especially since I am running The Boston Marathon with Tedy's Team in honor of my grandparents (who are both Stroke Heroes) in April and he would still be around for that.

... and then I got the phone call that I didn't expect.

On December 27 as I drove from one Weight Watchers meeting to another, my mom called to let me know my Grampa had passed away ... just 6 days after getting the original news. Well, that isn't the same as 6 months to a year now is it?

I broke down. Bawling my eyes out in my car.

And  enter the emotional eating.

I know better. I know that isn't how to handle the feelings.

But in the moment the fries and wine  ... and tears ... and quick fixes ... and "why bothers" won out.

I did keep my workouts up throughout the time, but as we all know you cannot out run/out work out a bad diet. Plus the runs had lost some of their lust even though I knew I was running/training for him.

So I finally stepped on the scale. And my jaw dropped. I hadn't seen that number on the scale in well over a year - maybe more.

The home scale said I had put on like 11 pounds in the week of Christmas and the week of Grampa news.

So right there. I knew something had to change.

I knew my Grampa didn't want me to undo all the hard work I had put into my weight loss.

So I just got off the scale and got back to business and basics.

And 3 days later 6 lbs were gone - so I didn't think that 11 lbs were right - most was definitely bloat.

And 5 days later 9 lbs were gone - back in business.

But seeing the number on the scale got me back in the mindset I needed.

My Grampa's wake/funeral was January 2-3 and I did the best I could to control the eating/drinking during that time with the family, but allowed myself to stray if it happened ...which it did. Mmm carbs. :P

But as soon as I got home I was back to my routine. And that routine sent me to Disney feeling healthy, happy and fit.

The Holiday/Sad/Emotional weight was gone and I left for Disney just 0.8 lbs over goal. Success.

Especially since I left for Disney on the One Year Anniversary of me reaching that goal weight with Weight Watchers. :)

And then there was Disney!

Did I enjoy a Mickey ice cream? Yes.

Did I enjoy a post race beer or two? Yes.

Did I run one of the best races of my life? Yes.

Did I have a freakin' blast? Yes.

Did I come home ready to get back to my packed snacks, my fruits and veggies with every meal, and my Ninja blender? Yes.

So I got more than just...

-a PR

-a great weekend with my wife & family

-the chance to meet Twitter friends in real life

-being able to experience 85 degree weather in January

...during that trip!

I got my mojo back!

I got that little spark that I needed to show no matter what I can conquer dreams, I can attain goals, I can indulge, but I can still be healthy and fit.

So now the Hell Yes I Can ... the I Am Worth It ... the "This Is My Life" moments now win out.

I don't NEED to bury my emotions or sadness with food. And if I do, it's okay - tomorrow is a new day.

I. Am. Human.

Most of all: I can make my Grampa proud with my actions, by continuing to reach for new dreams and sharing my story to try and show someone else that anything's possible.