Emotions...

... are okay! This simple three word sentence has taken me YEARS to understand and accept.

Well, I'm still working on accepting it, but getting closer and closer.

For years, I put on the smile and kept the way I really felt buried deep deep down. And in case it wasn't far enough, I piled food on top to make sure it was good and packed down. And to make sure the food was covered, I loaded up on layers and layers of fat to really make sure no one knew what was really going on on the inside.

There were times in high school where all I thought about was ending it all. I would look out on to the backyard or lay in bed and wonder if people would even miss me or show up to the funeral. But, I never wanted to burden anyone else with my thoughts or problems so I just let them sit in my brain and fester those negative thoughts. Which I think has to my ongoing journey of trying to nix the negative in my head.

For years I would tell myself that if I only lost weight all my problems would disappear. I can vividly see me - maybe in 8th or 9th grade - sitting in the car with my aunt telling her: "If I just got rid of like 50 lbs, everything would be better."

Well, news flash: losing weight does NOT make the problems/emotions/negative thoughts magically disappear. 

before

But, what losing weight has taught me is that it is okay to have feelings. It is okay to share the feelings. It is okay to release the feelings.

So now, when I am sad or mad or happy or frustrated or depressed I no longer feel like I have to bury those emotions under a plastered on fake smile.

I am allowed to be sad even when I feel it isn't justified. Does that make sense?

I know there are so many things I should be grateful for in my life and I don't want to seem unappreciative, but now I know it is okay to be sad even when I don't think I should be allowed to.

I AM allowed to feel any emotion at anytime. 

Through this blog, this tiny little space on the internet, I have given myself the freedom to release all of the emotional weight that bore down on my shoulders for years ... hence the title Weight Off My Shoulders. ;)

I have shared more on this blog than I ever thought I would. I thought I would bring those dark demons - eating disorder, cutting, etc - to my grave. But, once I wrote the inner thoughts down and hit publish (many times nervously) I felt a wave of relief come over me. I didn't have to bear these demons alone.

And you know what happened? I found others who were going through similar situations. I found confidants that I would never have otherwise. I found an outlet.

Now, I'm not saying everyone has to go around starting blogs - if that's not your thing - but I want to let you know that it is OKAY!

You are allowed to feel however you want.

If you feel more comfortable confiding in friends, do it.

If you want to see a therapist, do it.

If you like to use social media, do it.

But, just let it out.

Don't let the negative thoughts and feelings bury themselves into your brain and foster a harmful environment. I know from personal experience that it takes a looooong time to turn it around.

Just know ... you are NOT alone!

I am still a work in progress, but I know that I will not go back to the miserable/lonely person I was before.

Tedy’s Team Group Run – 18 Miles

Solo runs can be the best and worst experiences in my opinion. On Saturday, I woke up at 6:30 to do a little weight check on the home scale and get ready for my Tedy's Team 18 Mile Group Run.

I owe a special thank you to the wife for getting up at 7am on a Saturday to drop me off at the group run (and saving me $8 in parking fees).

The weather was saying mid to high 30s so I kept with the normal winter running attire (Lululemon jacket and long pants with my Under Armour long-sleeved shirt), but decided to risk it and left the winter hat and gloves at home. I was hoping if I put the "I want nice weather" vibe out there - the universe may finally answer back. I mean we've run through every type of conditions this winter on our group runs ... except a nice sunny morning. C'mon Mother Nature.

I arrived at FitCorp on Beacon St in Boston (our weekly starting point) earlier than usual so there wasn't anyone else really there yet.

It seemed may people from the group were taking part in the Black Cat 10 & 20 Miler so there weren't as many folks milling around as usual.

As usual I had to head outside before everyone else to give my Garmin Forerunner 110 enough time to locate satellites. I'm not sure why my watch takes so much longer than everyone else in the group's watchers, but I know with all the tall buildings that it takes anywhere from 5-10 minutes for my watch to get ready. This leads me to be chilling outside for awhile before everyone else has to enter the cold weather.

And it gives me enough time to take a pic of my shadow while stretching...

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Before I knew it everyone was heading out of the gym and hitting the course.

I started the run chatting with some fellow Tedy's Team running mates, but quickly found myself in between two different running paces ... it was at this point I realized I would be running a majority of this 18 mile training run alone.

I was not mentally prepared for that and soon knew this would be a long 18 miles. Running with people always helps the time pass quickly and takes the focus off the task at hand.

But, I knew I had to dig down and get it done. Especially since on the day of the marathon I probably won't have anyone running with me so I will need to get over the running alone hurdles now. Plus, I ran Rock 'n' Roll Savannah alone and we remember how that turned out (well in case you don't ;)).

I started playing the normal mind games with myself.

Okay 3 miles in, you are 1/6 of the way there. Just do that 5 more times and you're Golden.

Alright 6 miles in, you are 1/3 of the way done - just 2 more times and you are done.

Woo 9 miles in - halfway there - less than double digits left.

That helped get me through the first 10 miles of the run, which took us out from Beacon St in Boston to Chestnut Street in Newton, where we take the turn onto Comm Ave and head back to Boston ... running along the Boston Marathon course itself, including Heartbreak Hill.

The sun was shining. The air was comfortable. I was ready to own Heartbreak.

Note: Many people know one thing about the Boston Marathon and that is Heartbreak Hill. It is actually about 2 miles of rolling hills through Newton with the toughest hill at the end of the stretch. But, the hills themselves aren't that bad it is placement within the race that makes it tougher. The hills come about 16 miles into the race. Yeah, that makes them suck people say. :P

As always I needed to psych myself up to get through the hills, but yesterday I needed a little something extra since I was alone. So I just kept repeating to myself:

You Can Fucking Do This

Excuse my language, but I needed to repeat that over and over to get through the final push.

And it worked.

I felt strong throughout the rolling hills ... and I thank my cross-training with Spin for that!

I even saw my girl Robin kicking some booty on the hills - as usual! I love seeing familiar faces during a run.

Once you take the decent over the final hill, it was a little over 12 miles into the run and the next water stop was at Mile 13. So it was nice to get through the hills and have some much needed water and Gatorade waiting for me. :)

That water stop is always a great sight. Usually Jackie (the volunteer) has her pup there, but he was home sleeping this week. :P But it is such a symbolic point because I know there is just 5 miles left and I can run 5 miles. It just makes the final stretch of the run doable. I don't really know why or if I can even explain it, but I think other people who do long runs understand what I mean.

I texted the wife that I was 5 miles out so that she could time her pick-up accordingly. :)

At the water stop, I ran into another Tedy's Team member and ran a little bit with her. She is from Venezuela and is a Boston qualifier (so wicked fast) so it was nice to catch up with her for about a mile or so before I told her to feel free to run ahead and off she went. I hate holding people back.

The last 5 miles are on the same part of Beacon St that we start out on so it is always nice to get back to familiar sights. Plus, it is useful to know how far from the finish you really are.

I hit the final water stop - about 2.5 miles from the finish - and downed some water and Gatorade and picked up some Swedish Fish.

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I really owe Tedy's Team a big thanks for showing me the awesomeness that is eating swedish fish on a long run. They really do give me a bigger boost than the sport jelly beans I normally use.

I texted the wife again that I was about 2.5 miles out and asked her to bring a full water bottle as well. :)

I think I stopped at the final water stop a little too long because the last 2.5 miles were TOUGH. But, I knew I couldn't stop.

Even though at Mile 16 I thought: "I can just hop on the T." NO!

I set out for 18 - I was going to run 18.

Plus it wasn't physical at all ... it was all mental.

So I refocused, turned the music up and just kept moving one foot in front of the other.

It didn't help that at every light I hit a red light and had to stop. Grrr...

But I just kept moving forward.

At Mile 17, I tried to get my legs to move faster. In my head they were, but looking at the Garmin - they weren't. :P

But I just kept pushing.

At 17.75 miles, this song came on

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as I was running towards the Massachusetts State House

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It was one of those moments that you couldn't plan, but was perfect. The right song came on at the right moment.

And all of a sudden 18 miles were run.

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As I did the nice post-long run shuffle into the car, I was pleased especially after figuring out I had been spot on with my previous 18 mile run.

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I mentally beat those 18 miles. I wanted to stop. The self-doubt crept in. But, I silenced it all and just kept moving forward.

We headed to home so I could complete #myafter:

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee

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Low-fat Chocolate Milk

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Foam Rolling

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Apparently Molly even wanted to get into the foam rolling action...

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... or just distract me. :P

Overall, the 18 miles were done in good time and I felt strong throughout the run. The mental part on the other hand is something I will still work on.

But that is why we do these training runs - to train the body AND the mind.

Next week, I will miss the Tedy's Team 10 mile group run because I will be at a Spin Instructor certification class. I will however be running the Half of Quincy on Sunday, March 10 to make up those miles.

Really Self A Triathlon?

TRUTH! I went so far out of my comfort zone on Friday and signed up for my first triathlon ...

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... and immediately made this face:

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Yup - exactly. :P

This is the face expressing:

*nervousness

*self-doubt

*pride

*fear

*excitement

*amazement

*happiness

If you told me four years ago, that I would be training for the Boston Marathon, that I would be attending a 9-hour class on Saturday to try and get certified as a Spin Instructor or that I would be constantly going outside of my comfort zone ... I would've told you to stop dreaming!

But thanks to Weight Watchers and shedding 60+ lbs - it is happening. It is the truth.

In December 2012, I was thinking back about how I had set out my goals for 2012 and completed them all, which I was proud of on it's own. But, it got me thinking about what I wanted to see happen in 2013.

And a little voice in my head kept repeating "triathlon ... triathlon ... triathlon" over and over and over again. So I took that little word and stored it in the back of my brain for safe keeping since clearly it wasn't something I would ever really do.

I mean I'm not built to do a triathlon.

Plus, I was focusing on my Boston Marathon training plan and making sure I could follow through with that.

Then a few weeks back I started thinking - what am I going to do after the Boston Marathon? What do I want to do next?

I've been toying with the idea of trying to qualify for Boston (aka take 24 minutes off my current marathon time), but then that pesky little word crept back into the front of my mind: triathlon.

Now, I'm not sure if it was a high power or fate or destiny or dumb luck, but on Friday I was wasting some time on Facebook and up posted a status update from Boston Triathlon. I really don't remember ever even liking their page.

So I had to click through to their Facebook page, which led to clicking on their webpage, which was followed by reading through the event details, which somehow ended with me pulling out my credit card and registering.

Do we see how this all happened because of Facebook. Can I blame them? ;)

I was gchatting with the wife while I kept clicking through from page to page and asked if I should really do this. But, before she could really say yes - I had already hit SUBMIT ... and the rest is history.

It's like the stars aligned and it was just meant to be as I was looking for something to train for locally so I'm excited that my first tri will be in Boston so my family can come cheer me on. :)

So now once I run the Boston Marathon on April 15 I will take a couple weeks off and then begin Tri training.

The Boston Triathlon is on August 4 and looks to be a Sprint Triathlon (or closest definition of a tri I could find). It features a 1/2 mile swim, a 9 mile bike and a 4 mile run.

I know I can complete all of the components now I just need to make sure I can do them consecutively on the same day. :P

I am currently shopping around for Sprint Triathlon training plans so if you know of any, please pass them along!

Now that the registration is complete - it's time to buy a bike and a wetsuit.

I am excited to share the training process with you all ... since this is completely new to me!

Let's Do This!

Mirror ... Mirror ...

For so many years I hid from the mirrors on the walls ... For so many years I hid from the photographs of everything ...

But that all changed - thanks to Weight Watchers!

I even mentioned this in my "Only Human" video for the latest Weight Watchers campaign, which you can check out here:

[embedplusvideo height="281" width="450" standard="http://www.youtube.com/v/tpcEJr7q7iU?fs=1&hd=1" vars="ytid=tpcEJr7q7iU&width=450&height=281&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=&notes=" id="ep4267" /]

When did it really dawn on me that things changed?

Why on Tuesday!

How?

Easy.

This past weekend the race director (Eddie) for the Cambridge 5k race series asked me to be one of the featured runners for the upcoming inaugural Freedom Run on May 26.

Ahhh someone wanted ME to be in a picture for their race!

Crazy.

Here are a couple of shots from the shoot:

dani-1

dani-2

I met Eddie at City Sports in Downtown Crossing and felt confident enough with myself to actually go through with it. Of course in my head, I had come up with reasons NOT to do it, but I wanted to prove to myself that I am changing for the better.

Being able to finally step in front of the camera or stopping to look at myself in the mirror is a huge leap forward for me.

I may not like everything that is looking back at me, but at least now I like myself enough to give myself the time of day.

For too long I hid from seeing what I had let myself become.

Now I am learning to embrace my body faults and all.

Vain.

Yes people call me vain for posting pictures of myself on my website/Twitter/Facebook page.

Full of myself.

Yes people tell me that I have changed and become someone who is full of themselves.

Boastful.

Yes people say they stop following me because I post too many pictures of how I look.

TO those people I say "your loss" - my blog/Facebook page/Twitter account etc are places where I share the highs and lows of weight loss and fitness journey.

IF you think I am vain or boastful, then you really don't read what I write or know me at all.

I am FAR from those things.

I am a girl working to accept my body faults and all.

I am PROUD that I can now take the step from behind the camera to the front of it.

I am HAPPY that by taking the time to look in the mirror I am now acknowledging that I am worthy enough to look at ...

Disney - Final Day - Animal Kingdom

Ahhh how was it already the final day ... it seemed like we just got there! Day One - 1/10-11/13 - Arrival, Run Disney Expo & Hollywood Studios

Day Two - 1/12/13 - Walt Disney World Half Marathon

Day Two  - 1/12/13 - Magic Kingdom

Day Three - 1/13/13 - Epcot

... and then there was Animal Kingdom!

On the final day, Monday, January 14, we started the day by heading back to Hollywood Studios to see Toy Story Midway Mania! and it was TOTALLY worth any sort of wait!!

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YES! I beat the wife in a video game...

After waiting in line for Toy Story Midway Mania! (which had a line even though we arrived when the parks opened), we headed to Animal Kingdom.

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I LOVE the Tree Of Life as soon as you walk in ... it is breathtaking!

We immediately headed to Expedition Everest - Legend Of The Forbidden Mountain ... aka the whole reason the wife wanted to go to Animal Kingdom ... and the wait time was only 10 minutes, which was the time it took us to go from the opening of the ride to the ride itself.

It was wicked fun and I recommend it to everyone.

After Everest, we took in Finding Nemo - The Musical, which was freakin' awesome!!

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Nemo was adorable, entertaining and comes fully recommended with two thumbs up!

We followed Nemo up with the DINOSAUR ride, which was the Jurassic Park ride last time I was at Disney (12 years ago).

DINOSAUR was part of DinoLand, but within DinoLand was Chester and Hester’s Dino-Rama that featured Primeval Whirl, which was kind of cheesy, but kind of awesome - it mixed old school carnival with Disney magic.

We took a break to enjoy lunch at Flame Tree Barbeque, which was absolutely delicious. We both had the pulled pork with a Disney Safari beer.

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We had one amazing lunch with a great view of Everest.

After lunch we went on the Kilimanjaro Safaris that was breathtaking!!!

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This safari was entertaining and full of information!

After the safari, we headed to Rafiki's Planet Watch before having to return to the shuttles to go back to the hotel and check out.

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Ugh ... how could it already be time to return home.

We were at the hotel early because I was starting to feel under the weather so we caught an early Disney's Magical Express to head back to the airport.

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We hunkered down at the Outback in our terminal for beer and food before our flight home.

Our flight was on time and we landed back to Boston on schedule. Thankfully my dad picked us up since we landed at 10:20pm and we wanted to shorten our trip home as best we could. :P

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The trip overall was magical. I'm so lucky my wife and parents were on hand at Disney and the race with me. It was an amazing weekend that I never wanted to end.

If you have the chance to experience Disney - especially a Run Disney race - PLEASE DO!!!!

WDW Half Marathon - 1/12/13 - 1:48:09 (8:15 min/mile)

Boy does 2am really creep up on a person!!

Even when you DO go to bed at 7:15pm the night before.

But that first 2am alarm went off and I SHOT out of bed.

Maybe it was excitement ... maybe it was adrenaline ... maybe it was that I was scared shitless I would miss the bus thus missing the start of the race thus missing the race itself.

Yes I was freaked out by past participants' blog posts about crowds that I made sure our butts would be on the first bus out of our hotel come hell or high water!

So I was out of bed and prepping quickly. I was looking forward to this day for so long.

I rarely dress up for races (more than just the fun knee socks I wear) so this was out of my usual realm, but I was excited for it. I was loving how the Jessie from Toy Story costume had turned out and couldn't wait to see what spectators thought too!

I was ready! Needless to say the wife wasn't moving quite as quickly or as happily as I was ... she was none too pleased with the start time. :P

We headed out of the hotel room by 2:45am and as we turned the corner to the bus stop saw 7 completely empty busses sitting there with 0 people waiting to get on them.

Oops! :P

Well at least we guaranteed we would get to the Start area on time and we would get a seat. :)

As we sat on the bus, I was posting pictures, tweeting, etc and all of a sudden my phone rang - it was Suzi Storm. She didn't believe I was actually up and en route to a race so she needed actual proof ... my voice. :) It was nice to chat with her and maybe that chat played in to my awesome race - maybe it now needs to be a pre-race tradition. Suzi, thoughts? ;)

We idled for awhile while more runners loaded on to the bus. Yet as runner after runner got on the bus not that many were dressed up and for some reason this worried me. Like I would end up being the only person dressed up, which in the deep part of my head I knew was incorrect. It still had me freaked for a minute until a couple Tinkerbells got on the bus and I felt more at ease.

The busses rolled out and we were off to the Start area, which was set up in the Epcot parking lot. The busses dropped us off and we all made the trek over to the party area with the usual bathrooms, bag check, port-o-potties, etc.

It was amazing standing around and checking out the costumes people put together for the race. Talk about great people watching!

We hit up the port-o-potties and headed over to get a pic in front of the official 2013 Walt Disney World Marathon logo.

There was a DJ on hand as well as a camera catching some runners' sweet dance moves on the big screen. Oh watching some people try to Gangnam style never gets old. :P

As we did some laps around the Start area (since we were there so early :P ) checking out merchandise and just people watching, we spotted Sarge from Toy Story!!

He said: "It's my old friend Jessie. How are things around the toy chest?"

Awesome. :)

After snapping a pic with Sarge, we ran into Kat. Yes 23,000 runners and Kat finds us. Good work Lady!

Isn't she the cutest Piglet?

The organizers started asking everyone to get on the other side of Bag Check, which was the holding area before the walk to the Start Line. So we headed over there thinking we would then immediately head to the Start Line, but nope. We just all kind of stood around looking at each other for what felt like forever.

But, finally we got the go ahead to start the 20-something minute walk to the Start Line. Of course we hit the port-o-potties one final time before we did. :)

Thank you Disney for having PLENTY of port-o-potties that I barely had to wait in line even with 23,000 runners!

The walk was lengthy but the time passed by chatting with the wife and Kat and listening to the DJs along the way.

It was pitch black along the walk so I spent most of the time looking down at my feet since the last thing I wanted to do trip mere minutes before the race!

Then I saw it...

Blurriness means action shot :)

At this point, the three of us turned left towards Corrals A-E, while some kept straight for Corrals F-H.

Kat actually ended up being in my Corral so we bid the wife farewell at Corral C and headed to Corral A (yes still in shock at being in that location).

But it ended up being the best place for us to be!

Such a cool experience being up with the elite runners. They are amazing to be around.

And look how close we were to the Start Line!

I was finally able to meet Kelly from (@According2kelly), who I've been following for ages. She was running the Goofy with a friend dressed as Goofy. Great costumes by both (you can actually see her in right corner of pic above). She pointed out that Drew Carey was on the sidelines so Kat and I saddled over to snap a pic.

He was supposed to run, but got injured unfortunately.

We then tried to photobomb the interviews that were happening next to us in order to get on the jumbo screens set up near the corrals. Hoping that maybe the wife or a friend would notice us. :P But I don't think they did.

We then saw Carissa and her cohosts take the stage!

Sorry for the glare but Carissa is second from the right!

Kat actually knows Carissa so it was nice to finally meet her in person - even briefly - after following her online.

She rocked her interview with Joey Fatone ... again I tried to get my Jessie hat on the screen in the background as much as possible.

Thankfully having Kat with me really helped pass the time. :)

Because before we knew it it was time to send off the wheelchair runners, which meant we were up in 5 minutes!

Goofy, Donald and Mickey came out to count us down!

As the characters counted us down, I reminded myself I was there to have fun. I didn't care about the time or the pace or the finish. I just wanted to soak up the sights and sounds of Disney.

Then ... the fireworks went off and so was I!

It was 5:35am and freakin' dark!! Thankfully they brought in lights to help along the highway, but I still made sure to keep an eye on the ground since I had no desire to fall.

I was really impressed with the number of spectators that were lined up along the left side of the highway at that time of day.

I started out at my 5k pace and quickly had to slow myself down and remind myself that we were running 13.1 miles NOT 3.1. I was getting swept up with the other - faster - runners and I had to bring it on in.

There were marching bands and spectators all along the 5 mile stretch of highway AND the first character stop - Pirates Of The Caribbean!

It was at this moment that I decided I would stop at as many characters as I could. If there was a lengthy line then I would reconsider depending on the character.

But do you know what I found out? Most elite runners weren't there for pics with the characters so there was barely a line while I ran.

Yes I know this was EXTREMELY lucky compared to many of the runners in the later corrals who had much longer lines.

But I took advantage of my location and posed. Instead of fumbling with my iPhone, I just went with the professional photos and prayed they all came out afterwards.

All of this happened as we headed toward the opening of Magic Kingdom.

Not too shabby for an action shot

We were going to run right through the Magic Kingdom - how cool is that?

As we went through the parking lot near the test track, we got to see our first character stops!! YAY!

Chip And Dale

Nightmare Before Christmas

I had to stop and snap a pic of this awesome sign hanging above one of the overpasses as it read: "Quackin' Up Your Pace" But of course you can't see that part in my iPhone pic. Harumph!

Then we entered the park itself.

Spectators were amazing!! People lining the streets calling out "Hey It's Jessie" ... "Go Jessie Go" ... "Awesome costume Jessie" ...

It was amazing. I honestly felt like a Rock Star! I wanted to high-five every one of those people for how early they had to get up to be there.

All of a sudden there it was Main Street USA. I was running down Main Street USA towards THE CASTLE!!

I even saw Robin waiting to cheer on her husband while I was running!!

We were only in the Magic Kingdom itself for maybe a couple miles but it was amazing.

Best part? Besides all of the character photos of course.

Running THROUGH yes THROUGH the Castle was out of this world!

Can you still believe how dark it was?

After we left the Magic Kingdom it was a lot of highway time as we headed back towards Epcot for the Finish. I wasn't prepared for so much highway time so I was a little disappointed on that, but of course it is to be expected with how far the parks are from each other.

But Disney did a great job of loading the course with characters!!

Check out the rest of my in-race photos here:

As we approached Mile 10, I started to realize that my time and pace was faster than I had anticipated. The whole race I felt as if I was just sprinting to the next character rather than running a Half. We can maybe call it lengthy interval training?

There was a little loop/turnaround to point us towards the Epcot parking lot/entrance just before Mile 11 and there were some announcers there yelling out where people were from so I proudly shouted "Boston" before someone behind me yelled "Mars." Okay not taking it seriously. :P

But as I hit the Mile 11 marker, I realized I could PR. I had to do some calculations in my head, which always help to pass the time, and figured that I might just do it. It would be close, but if I put the pedal to the metal I could do it.

So I just let loose. I skipped the final 2 character spots, which was okay because it was Stitch (I had already gotten one with Lilo) and Phineas and Ferb (who I got the day before).

I gave it all I had in that home stretch. I think you can easily figure that out in the pictures below:

All that was going through my head was keep moving forward! People had started to slow. It had started to get warmer. There were people walking. I just had to keep running.

Then it was there ... the Finish Line!

I had never been so happy to see because I KNEW I did it ... a PR! Which was great, but the real excitement was how much stinkin' FUN I had during that race.

You think I liked it?

Could you tell I was on my way to clicking of my Garmin Forerunner 110? ;)

Unofficial PR via my Garmin. Previous PR had been 1:48:16. I then awaited official results...

Catching my breath was #1 on the priority list after finishing.

#2 - grabbing this sweet medal of course!

Shiny

#3 was heading to the medical tent to try and find out if they had cough drops since I couldn't get the darn cough to stop. Interesting fact - they had none. I just started downing water to see if that would help.

(Lesson it turned into bronchitis by the time I got home)

I was able to spot my parents at the Finish Line before heading to grab my professional Finish Photo and much needed FOOD!!

Yeah this is why I don't normally run in cotton shirts - ew!

I made my way back to my parents to hang with them while we waited to cheer on the wife to finish.

Before settling in with them to wait, I quickly headed over to have my medal engraved as a keepsake and on my way I ran into Robin (again!) :)

Thanks for snapping this pic Robin

We got the text that the wife finished in just over 3 hours (brutal brutal heat) so we headed towards the Finish Area to meet her. While waiting, I had to snap one last pic with the ears.

After meeting up with the wife, we headed over to the busses to head back to the hotel to shower, grab some breakfast and prepare for a day at the Magic Kingdom.

I made sure to include some low-fat chocolate milk as part of #myafter! It is one of the best ways I have found to Refuel after a grueling long run or race!

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Thankfully my parents had the tracking so we had my information pretty quickly for the official time and I had gotten the PR by 7 seconds. HEY, a PR is a PR, right? :) I was pleasantly surprised since I was just hoping to finish sub 2 with all the stopping I had planned (and did) do!

The official official stats still shock me. I mean these numbers are really mine. Wow!

CRRAAZZYYY!!

I wonder what the time would've been without the character stops!

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OVERALL, this was one of the funnest races I have done.

Were there things I would change? Sure. I wish there was more time in the park itself. Maybe weaving through the different lands, etc. But I know logistically that would be tough.

So I think Disney knows what they are doing and pump up the time on the highway with marching bands, characters, DJs and FANS!!

Would I recommend this race to a friend? In a heartbeat because magic happened that morning and I want everyone to experience it!

See ya for the Goofy Challenge in 2015! :)

Disney - Day(s) 1 - Hollywood Studios & WDW Half Expo

Disney! Disney! Disney! This trip had been circled on the calendar for ages and I was PSYCHED!! It came at the perfect time...

On Thursday, January 10 at 8:30am, we headed to the Pooch Hotel in Newton, MA and dropped the two pups off for "camp" (I can't bring myself to say kennel) and it was officially vacation time!

WOO!

Since I am a worrier and HATE being late, we headed to the airport earlier than we needed to ... but you never know how security will be at Logan.

Getting to the airport early has perks like being able to sit down and enjoy a couple Harpoon IPAs before boarding the Delta flight.

2013-01-10 11.54.38
2013-01-10 11.54.38

Do you like my drinking companion?

The wife and I charged up the iPhones and iPads so they would hold up through the remainder of our travels and headed over to the gate to unload of our stuff and grab lunch for the 2pm flight. The wife hit up Wendy's, while I was determined to get my Fresh City which was a far cry from where our gate was. But, with determination comes speed and I ran as fast as my TOMs would take me from our seats to Fresh City ... and did so in plenty of time. Thank you! :)

I was rocking the casual fit gear look for the trip ... when I travel it is all about comfort.

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2013-01-10 13.09.03

Funny how before losing weight I wouldn't be caught dead in these Reebok pants in public!

Do you like how I carried the Red Cowboy Hat for my Jessie hat throughout this entire endeavor? There was no way I was letting that baby get bent before Race Day.

So when we boarded the plane and realized we had an empty seat in your row? You know who became the newest passenger in Row 12 Seat D?

You guessed it ... my red cowboy hat!

We landed about 5pm and headed straight to the Disney Magical Express Bus desk to catch our ride to the Caribbean Beach Resort.

The bus was amazing. It was a free service from Disney and took us door-to-door from the airport to our hotel. We had to make a couple stops at other hotels, but it was better than paying for a shuttle!

Plus the entertained you on the trip with info about Disney World and some old school Disney cartoons.

We arrived at the Caribbean Beach Resort and had a quick and painless check-in thanks to the great staff and were off to find the hotel shuttle bus. The Caribbean Hotel campus is ginormous!! The shuttle bus was the only way to make it from the Custom House (check-in) to our room (Trinidad South) in a reasonable amount of time. Wow!

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2013-01-11 08.14.34

We arrived at our room to find out (definitely to the wife's delight) that we were staying in a Pirate-themed room!

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2013-01-10 19.09.56

Oh yes, Pirate ship beds!! :)

Before I did anything, I had to lay out my Jessie race costume/fit gear ASAP - pre-race tradition. Plus, I had to make sure I didn't forget anything before heading to the Expo the following day!

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2013-01-10 19.25.06

Okay now we could meet up with my parents (who had arrived earlier in the day) and head to Downtown Disney for some much-needed dinner.

We had a great time walking around Downtown Disney and seeing the nightlife, but called it an early night since we had to be up early the next day to head to the Expo.

Friday - January 11, 2013

Of course I can never leave home without some sort swag from the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon Series :P So I had choices for the day's outfit. :)

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2013-01-11 07.53.38

We tried to find the scenic - aka by the water/pools - route to the hotel's Centertown (aka food/shop area) and successfully did so on the first try. We had breakfast and devised a game plan there before heading to the Expo.

I LOVE Race Expos and was really looking forward to my first Disney Expo!

We grabbed the special Walt Disney World Expo busses (thanks Disney for that) and headed to the ESPN Sports Zone.

We arrived and headed left to pick up our bibs before heading to the right for the swag pick up and Expo itself.

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2013-01-11 09.38.22

Big thanks to Robin, who let me know I should change corrals at bib pick up since I was apparently in the wrong one ... Oops!

Corral A - WOW - never thought I would be so close to the Start in such a big race. Eek!

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2013-01-11 09.43.26

Countdown to Walt Disney World Half

But it was swag time baby.

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2013-01-11 10.03.42

What a grand entrance...

We did some laps around the Expo checking out the merchandise and I successfully kept my credit card in my wallet the whole time. Success.

But, I was really there to finally meet my Twitter friend and fellow Fitfluential and Sweatpink ambassador Kat in person. We headed to the Brooks booth and there she was. :)

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2013-01-11 10.27.49

It is always amazing to meet online friends in real life, but it was great to click with Kat so quickly. Plus, we got to have a moment with Joey Fatone. Okay okay he was rushed by us by his handlers, but we saw him and were within 5 inches of him. :P Right after Kat had been talking about him. ;)

We bid farewell to Kat and proceeded back to the hotel to catch the Disney Shuttle to Hollywood Studios!

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2013-01-11 12.06.37

Aaahhh it's THE hat!

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2013-01-11 12.07.53

This was so surreal.

(Note: I had been to Disney previously 3 times in my life and the last was in 2001 so it had been awhile!!)

But, my friends at home hooked us up and helped rank which rides/attractions we had to see and how to best navigate the parks so we were off.

We grabbed a fast pass for the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, Starring Aerosmith before hitting up Star Tours and Muppet Vision 3D (one of my personal FAVES).

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2013-01-11 13.31.15

As we exited Muppet, there they were ... Phineas and Ferb!! My wife and I LOVE that cartoon so we immediately got in line to snap a couple pics with them!!

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2013-01-11 13.28.15
phinease
phinease

This easily made the vacation! :)

We then headed to Voyage of the Little Mermaid, Tower of Terror and rounded it out by cashing in our fast pass for Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, Starring Aerosmith. All amazing rides!

I stopped by to pick up a nice set of sparkly Minnie Mouse ears to match my Sparkly Soul Inc headbands! :)

2013-01-11 16.03.52
2013-01-11 16.03.52

Cute right?

Since the Half was the next morning (and started at 5:35am) we had an early dinner - yes 3:40pm reservations - at Mama Melrose's Restaurante, which was delicious!! I <3 Carbo loading! :)

We rounded out the day by taking a walk through the Honey, I Shrunk The Kids Movie Set Adventure and taking in The Great Movie Ride.

2013-01-11 17.00.46
2013-01-11 17.00.46

Yup, this soaker actually squirted water and got me ... of course!

We hopped on the Caribbean Beach Resort Shuttle and headed back to call it a night.

Alarms were set:

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2013-01-11 18.54.55

And I was fast asleep by 7:15pm ... dreaming of the next morning's Walt Disney World Half Marathon!!

I'm A Failure...

... in every sense of my life! Yes, that was the feeling I carried around all day yesterday. I don't really know where it came from or why it came on so aggressively at one time, but it did.

It snowballed. With everything that went wrong throughout the day yesterday, the "you suck at life" feeling grew and grew.

Maybe it is a December tradition now for me to have a breakdown this time of year.

Right around now is when I had a little breakdown in the car with my wife driving back from spending the Holiday with her family. I just LOST it in the car. You wanna talk about an ugly cry - that night took the cake.

I just get really really REALLY good at bottling up my emotions - my annoyances, my frustrations, my sadness, my self-loathing, my unhappiness - until it all boils over in a big huge ugly cry fest.

After that night, the wife and I had some serious talks and we decided to move back (for me) to Boston - partly so I could lead a less stressful life. The whole deciding to move and it actually happened was a 3-week span.

On January 29 (the day after my half marathon), we loaded up the uHaul thanks to help from my dad and took the 2-day drive to Boston.

Flash forward to this week and for some reason I'm back to that person that is holding in the annoyances, the frustrations, the sadness and the self-loathing.

Maybe it has been happening gradually (probably the case), but it all seemed to come to fruition now.

Is it something about this time of year?

Was it triggered when I started thinking about what I wanted to do/accomplish in 2013?

Am I second-guessing the decisions made last December?

I really don't know what is at the bottom of it, but I needed to get the words out before I eat my way through this emotional struggle.

Food is not the answer, but for the past few days it worked quite nicely.

So I'm done turning to food and instead I turned to this space to let out the thoughts. To stop burying them with fried foods because that's what put me into Weight Watchers to begin with ... and I'm never going back to that person again.

Now, I will dig deep down to find out what is causing these emotions because in my heart of hearts I know I'm not a failure, but when I look at my life - the degrees I have, the jobs I've held - I wonder if I'm living up to my full potential.

But, I know in the meantime I need to focus on making healthy decisions and allowing all my emotions to flow through instead of weighing me down.

Hey, there's a reason I called this blog Weight Off My Shoulders ... so now I will use it to do just that.

Release!

My 30s Freakin' Rock So Far...

We are just 3 months into my 30s and I already have a Top Ten list of moments that have happened! Whhaa??

Am I serious?

Hell yeah.

Since my 30th Birthday weekend in September, I have had some freakin' awesome experiences.

So I decided to share the Top 10 so here goes:

10) Climbing 2,000 stairs in honor of this blog's Facebook page hitting 2,000 likes

[embedplusvideo height="281" width="450" standard="http://www.youtube.com/v/vu2XJX5kk6A?fs=1" vars="ytid=vu2XJX5kk6A&width=450&height=281&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=¬es=" id="ep3115" /]

I still can't believe that happened and I am still so thankful for each Facebook like my little blog has!

stairs

9) Completing my first Warrior Dash the day before my 30th Birthday

(Yes, I am including anything that happened in my 30th birthday weekend as fair game ... my poetic license! ;))

warrior

On that day, I faced many fears, but the biggest one my fear of heights - by climbing up the Big Wall on a rope and climbing down the Big Wall via a ladder. At first I didn't trust my arm strength - or lack thereof - to get over the wall, but then as soon as I got to the top - it happened. The cape on my Batman socks got stuck and for a moment, I panicked and thought I would have to live atop the wall for the rest of my life.

8) Earning enough votes to join Got Chocolate's Milk Team REFUEL

I filmed a video at Fitbloggin' in September 2012 and begged, pleaded and went to social media to try and earn enough votes to make the team and on October 26 it was announced that I was in! YAY!

I couldn't thank everyone that voted for me enough.

I am honored to make the team and can't wait to see what comes next...

7) Being selected to run The 2013 Boston Marathon with Tedy's Team in honor of the American Stroke Association

I am running in honor of my Stroke Heroes - my grandparents - and am so thankful to be able to spread the risks/warning signs/tips about Strokes to the masses. As well as, raising $5,000 for the American Stroke Association.

So far I have raised just over $1,500... if you are interested in donating, you can do so here.

6) Attending Fitbloggin' and meeting some of my Social Media Icons in person

When I got home from Fitbloggin' I really didn't think I had deserved to be at a conference with such amazing bloggers, but since climbing out of my pit o' insecurity I realized I really did belong there. I was meant to go there, get out of my comfort zone, meet some of the most incredible people I know IN REAL LIFE and have my world changed forever.

Plus, it didn't hurt that I got to have one amazing road trip with Tara and Meegan, get amazing hugs from Alan and room with the phenomenal Sue, Steve & Kia (my bedmate)!

To pick a favorite moment from that weekend isn't possible - there are too many to list and just thinking about that time puts a big ass smile on my face!

Now is it time for Fitbloggin' 2013 yet? ;)

5) Appearing on Fox 25 News with Dr. Sherry Pagoto To Talk Weight Loss & Twitter

If you missed the segment, here's the video.

I never thought I would be in front of the camera. While working in PR, I was great at putting other people in front of the camera so it was a tad shock to be on the other side of the situation. But, boy was it fun!

I couldn't believe how quickly the 4-minutes segment went. It was over before I knew it.

I owe a huge thank you to Dr. Pagoto for suggesting me to be a part of the segment in the first place.

fox

4) Something I NEVER EVER EVER thought would happen ... I tried on a bikini and shared the picture with the world

This definitely happened before my birthday, but it was tied in to the milestone of hitting 30 that I conquered the fear and finally walked in to Sports Authority and tried on a bikini.

The whole experience is documented here.

bikini

I still don't know if the bikini will see the light of day. But at Spin the other night my friend Linds said something that gave me a moment that maybe it may some day.

Linds: "I'm going to keep Spinning for every Pina Colada I will have in Aruba."

Dani: "Well I don't have a vacation coming up. So what am I pushing for?"

Linds: "To make sure you wear that bikini next summer."

Dani: "Hmmm..."

Anything's possible, right? ;)

3) On December 12, I hit the lowest weight since probably Junior High

ww

I weighed in 0.4 lbs lower than the day I hit Goal (which was my previous low) on January 10, 2012 (153.8). Wow, I was so excited I started crying - not to the point of an ugly cry - but pretty close!

Hard work + Believing in yourself + Weight Watchers = Impossibilities become Possibilities

2) Savannah Marathon

2 feats: for beating my previous marathon time by more than 2 hours and for finishing in under 4 hours

savannah

Again - things I never thought possible actually happened. With each mile that passed in the race, every time I saw my dad cheering me on along the course, I got a little push that I could do it. That it just might happen.

And it did.

And after catching my breath (that took a lot longer than usual), I wept and wept - big happy tears. I had done it.

---

It comes down to this! The number one event since turning the Big 3-0 is...

Drum Roll Please

drum

1) Hosting my own charity 5k for my 30th Birthday

Is anyone really shocked at this choice?

I didn't think so!

bday

That day was one of the best of my life. I still can't get over that it really happened.

Feel free to relive it now - here.

race

And the great news is????

I'll be doing it AGAIN in 2013!

YYAAYYY!!

---

Wow, just reading this list again makes me so excited for what is still in store. I mean this was just the first 90 or so days of being 30 ... I have a lot more to go!

Are you 30? Have you had a decade or age you feared turning, but then it happened to be amazing? 

Tedy’s Team Group Run – 10 Miles

Temperature yesterdsymorning at 7am on accuweather.com read 35 degrees. Real feel tempature? A balmy 24 degrees.

Yikes!

I wanted to just curl back under the covers and hide... but I didn't! I had a team run to do. Plus, the temps will just get colder as the winter training schedule goes on...

Plus my teammate Meghan and her husband Josh offered to give me a ride instead of a longer/colder MBTA ride. Their generosity became my accountability.

I put on my XL Under Armour long-sleeved shirt. Yes, I've been too lazy to buy a smaller size so I just keep wearing the larger one. :P It's all good.

I also decided to add a little Holiday cheer to the run by breaking out my Santa socks!

2012-12-15 07.39.45

I'm ready to add more to it for next week! ;)

Once I got to FitCorp (our starting point), I noticed that one of my headphones were missing one of the earbuds. Ugh!

I went outside early to make sure my Garmin Forerunner 110 would "acquire satellites" before everyone else came out to start since the past 2 weeks I've been the last one to start because my GPS watch took so long to acquire the satellite.

Well despite heading out 5 minutes before everyone else, it still took 9 minutes to acquire satellites and I still ended up being the last person to start the run. Ugh!

I got about 1/2 a mile into the run and I was sweating. Apparently despite the Real Feel temp of 24 degrees, I had somehow overdressed for the run. And I still had 9.5 miles to go! Ugh!

So by the first Mile of the run, I was NOT feeling the run. I was letting all the little annoyances get in my head.

Then as I passed Mile One, I had a realization...

4 months from that moment I would be running The Boston Marathon itself!

Ahhh!!

If that doesn't put a little bounce in my step I don't know what could!

Once I had that vision in my mind, I powered through the next 4 miles to the halfway point. Our coach John and Tedy's Team Manager Zack set up a great water stop at Mile 5. I stopped, stretched a little and was ready to continue on.

The weather ended up being perfect. Week One (6 miles) we ran in snow the entire time and in Week Two (8 miles) we ran in a nice downpour. But on Week Three (10 miles) we had a wonderful clear sky!

So the final 5 miles were thoroughly enjoyable. With each step I could feel my grandparents - my Stroke Heroes - on each of my shoulders pushing and cheering me along.

It was great.

I felt strong and in control of my strides.

Before I knew it - it was Mile 9 and we were quickly approaching the final hill near the State House. If anyone knows the hill I'm speaking about, it's a doozy.

But thankfully my Spin classes and Pure Barre classes pay off on that hill each week, as I lock down and push up that hill as quickly as possible ... mainly since I'm ready to be done! :o)

2012-12-15 10.33.27

I was definitely pleased with my time overall. This was the third week on the same course and I'm becoming more familiar with the bumps, hills and intricacies of the path each week.

John has slated another 10 Mile run for the group next week and I can't wait to break out my Santa shirt and socks! :)

Happy Running Folks!