Dani Dishes 1-13-14
/On this episode of Dani Dishes, I celebrate being DOPEY!!! There are quite a few tears, but overall my quick thoughts on one AMAZING life-changing experience.
Dear Former Self...
/Dear Former Self, You are 30 and more importantly alive.
I know there were many times in High School, College and even after graduation where you thought about ending it all. Just slipping away because you thought no one would ever notice.
Well, people would have.
So thank you.
Thank you for not taking away the time I now have with the wife, friends, family and the world.
YOU are making a difference.
YOU are now brave enough to share your journey, your happiness, your sadness, your self doubts and your strengths with the masses.
And people appreciate that.
They appreciate you.
And you know what?
You are staring to appreciate yourself as well.
Now, I'm not going to tell you it is all rainbows and unicorns.
Okay - there are some rainbows - I mean you are gay after all. :)
But, seriously ... there is actual joy in your life. There are smiles that aren't forced. There are some serious kick ass accomplishments you are achieving.
Hello! Running The Boston Marathon in less than two weeks. I think we can classify that under Bad Ass and something we NEVER thought would happen.
But it is.
None of this could be happening if you hadn't made that decision in 2009 to walk through the doors of Weight Watchers and change your life forever.
Over the past four years, layers and layers of fat, insecurity, pain, self-doubt and self-loathing have slowly but surely been stripped away. There are little chunks lying around here and there, but they too will be shed over time.
You didn't have to think for all those years that you weren't worthy of true happiness because you were.
Why did you doubt yourself? Why did you put yourself down SO much? Why did you think you were so unworthy of being alive?
I don't know the answers. Maybe over time we will figure them out. But for now, we are happy to be moving past those.
The self-deprecating humor you used for so long as a shield is still here ... but now more out of habit. A habit that we are working on changing. The hatred behind it is lessening.
Someday it will go away completely, but we save that for a letter from our Future Self.
For now, in the current state, things are pretty awesome. Just know that all the pain you went through and held on to for so long is clearing ... it is being released and freed.
The heart is opening to the love of family, friends and even complete strangers you have come to meet - and love - online. The world is embracing you flaws and all and you are FINALLY embracing it back. You are sharing things with people you never thought you would.
And I have to say it feels GOOD.
So former self, thank you again for allowing me to be here ... for allowing me to feel ... for allowing me to live!
Love,
Your Current Self
Thunder Thighs No More...
/On November 16 I went to Lululemon to purchase a pair of Wunder Under pants I had promised myself after completing the marathon. Well I tried them on and all I could look at were my thighs and I said out loud to myself: "Hello! Thunder Thighs." I'm sure the people in the other dressing rooms were thoroughly confused by this little outburst.
After posting the picture on Social Media...
... friends far and wide commented and said they had no idea what I was seeing.
How could they not?? I mean look at those thighs jumping out of the pants! I had gone out of my comfort zone and tried on a blue/grey pattern instead of going with the normal slimming black option.
But as the responses came in one after another, friends continuously used the words - lean, strong, muscular and fit - to describe the thighs above.
Interesting.
While sitting in my car in the mall parking lot reading the comments (see don't Tweet, Facebook or Instagram while driving!), I asked myself: "What legs were they looking at?" I really just didn't see it!
So I put the phone away, headed to my first Pure Barre class and let the comments/compliments from Twitter and Instagram resonate. But in my subconscious I was coming to grips with the fact that those Wunder Under Pants I pined for just weren't for me.
---
Over the next 10 days or so, things changed.
Ever so slightly.
With each activity I did, another one of those pesky compliments from my friends/followers jumped back out.
* I took the stairs to one of my Weight Watchers meetings a little bit faster than usual. My mind thought: "Wow, this seems easier than the last time I made this trek. Those Pure Barre classes are really paying off.
Muscles.
* I set a PR in The 18th Annual Framingham Turkey Trot Classic 5k on a course I found rather challenging. Okay, I wasn't ready for any hills and there were some. :P I thought to myself: "Something is changing in my body. Those Spin classes are really working to strengthen my legs. Go cross training."
Thighs.
* With each Pure Barre class, the exercises were getting slightly more doable. But since the exercises were being done in front of a mirror, I could actually catch a glimpse of their transformation. The "burning" in my legs was paying off. The Brain said to me: "Look at those strong legs in the mirror. THOSE belong to you."
Fit.
---
My girl Nazalee on Twitter immediately pulled out the big guns. A campaign that Nike featured about how the phrase Thunder Thighs is actually a compliment.
(Feel free to click on the image above for a better look or check out the ad here)
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So over those two weeks, the little tweets/instagram messages from November 16 were breaking out of my subconscious and starting to break down through the self-negativity!
But the tweet I got that finally made the mental change was short and simple: "I see a pair of strong legs that just dominated a marathon."
Truth ... but I had to change my mindset to see that!
On November 28 I went back to the store and purchased those pants and now wear them proudly!!
Even in public! :)
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So moral of this little story?
Simple.
We need to be as positive with ourselves as we are with others!!
And of course wipe the phrase "Thunder Thighs" from the vocabulary! ;)
