Am I Enough?

Well that answer was too easy. :P

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I took and posted this picture the other day because I needed a reminder.

I am in fact enough.

I have talked before about the pattern of Keepin' Up With The Joneses. That DAMN comparison game that I don't think I'm the only person to fall into the trap.

What fascinates me is the spells in which I go through when it comes to wondering "Am I Enough?" There can be a good two-week stretch when I feel amazing. I am confident, secure and on top of the world.

Then there's the flip side. When I feel like I'm insignificant, that everything I do is wrong and that I should just go back to bed and hide in there with as much food as I could fit with me.

Wow! That is quite a difference.

But does anyone know what I'm talking about?

While in NYC, I was trying to think what caused this flip and I came up with one thing.

Rejection.

It could be from work ... friends ... family ... a blog opportunity ... other runners ... other weight loss success stories ... or even a stranger.

Once someone else questions my ability to be in a certain space with them, my insecurities take over my ENTIRE mind and body and I feel about 1 inch big.

At the Runner's World Shakeout run everyone in attendance that was at the run was either a Runner's World writer/editor/employee or a qualified runner - except me. Nothing like seeing the face of someone who is totally judging you.

Person: "Where did you qualify?" Me: "Oh I didn't. I have the pleasure and honor to run as a charity runner with Tedy's Team in honor of my Stroke Survivors - my grandparents." Person: <<confused face>> "Oh, well that's okay."

Hell yeah it's okay. It is a freakin' honor in my mind. I could feel it getting to me, but pushed those feelings away.

But when you get asked the same question over and over again you can't help, but let some little slip of doubt, of "should I even be here?" when you see the same reaction from people over and over again.

(Note: it wasn't everyone at the event. I really did meet some amazingly supportive folks that morning)

But that is just one instance where I saw rejection or people doubting my right to be at the event lead to the "Am I Enough?" inner debate.

I feel it sneak in whenever you apply for a job that went to someone else and you thought you were the PERFECT fit for it.

Or a friend you've known for a long time decides (without telling you) that the friendship is over. Ouch! I immediately go into "what did I do?", "what is wrong with me?" or "what could i have done?"

I see the pattern over and over and want it to end.

The trick for me to do that will be to obviously stop taking rejection so personally. Well that is kind of a "duh" moment.

What I think truly has to change is reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and knowing something better will happen.

I have to be me.

If someone doesn't want to be a part of my life then that is on them - not me.

If a company doesn't think I'm meeting their criteria for a job then something better is just waiting in the wings.

If a fellow weight loss success story looks down on me because I "only" lost 80 pounds then shame on them.

I have to be proud of the person I have become and accept what is outside of my control.

Because I am enough... and you are too!