Mind Over Matter...

So I was thinking this morning that I unfortunately need to get on buying a bathing suit. *dread dread dread* I haven’t done this in years. But the one I have been wearing that whole time is getting a tad roomy and I would be too embarrassed to wear it on the beaches of Hawaii in November. Talking about buying a bathing suit is okay since I always say I will do it next week … and never follow through. But this morning my friend Lindsey actually sent me websites of bathing suits, in particular tankinis, which she thinks would work on me.

Not gonna lie, I literally started feeling myself getting anxious (heart beating faster, slight shake in my hands) just looking at the website. I just kept thinking I will look like a whale. I cannot walk down the street in these. The rolls will just be on display for the world to see. I don’t want to see that – let alone anyone else.

So I asked myself, how long will it take my mind to catch up to my body? My body has shed 43.8 lbs. My body notices the difference. My peers notice the difference. When will my mind? To me, I still see the 200+ lb girl when I look in the mirror. I still see rolls upon rolls.

Will this ever go away? I want it to. I try willing it away, but alas my mind still goes to the negative place.

I will at some point have to get over this and just buy the stupid bathing suit. Linds suggested buying online so I can try it on at home rather than at a store. That will definitely help, but come November I am going to have to do it in public. I know to the outside world it will look normal, but I will probably still think I look like a blob.

I know this is something tons of women go through so this isn’t an earth shattering blog post, but as summer nears this is a bigger deal. I like wearing sun dresses, skirts, etc – but when the mind games start coming into play, I want to hide behind my t-shirts and yoga pants.

If any fellow Weight Watchers, fit bloggers or anyone has any suggestions, please pass along…