Face It Friday – 0.2 lb Gain

Ladies and Gentlemen, this weigh-in shows that tracking and activity and Weight Watchers works. Why you might ask?

Well in full disclosure I weighed in June 1 at 154.8 (0.2 under goal - Woo!) and proceeded to slip up. Oh hell, eat and drink my way through June. Yup! I basically took most of the month of June off from tracking my food. I just sort of went off the Weight Watchers deep end if you will.

BUT ... I did up my activity. I am training for a half marathon so I am putting some serious miles on my sneakers and hitting up a lot of cross training.

When I checked in with myself on June 19 I had probably put on almost 5 lbs. YOWZA!! That's not good.

So I UPPED the activity and when I weighed myself at home on June 29 I had only gained 0.1 lbs from the previous home weigh in 10 days prior. Now during that time my eating was atrocious, but my activity kicked serious butt.

This my friends proves that activity can help you maintain, but you need healthy food choices + activity to = weight loss.

SOOOO on June 29 my dear friend Lindsey (who does WW online) and I decided to make July our bi-atch. Is that how you spell that? I'm not hip enough to really know that lingo. But I digress...

So after the July 4 holiday I got off my bad food wagon and hit the scale. Ooohhh that number wasn't pretty. It was literally 6 lbs heavier than my home weigh in on June 1 ... and 3 lbs over my Lifetime status range.

Oh no that wasn't gonna stop me.

I stepped into BEAST MODE.

I made the week after my bi-atch. I tracked every BLT. I measured out my wine. I weighed all my food. I blogged every food log. I upped my activity even more thanks to the extra incentive of AL (aka Active Link).

And what happened?

I weighed in this morning officially 0.2 lbs heavier than on June 1 ... and right ON GOAL - 155 even.

Yes! Woo!

But more importantly I felt AWESOME this last week. I tracked for 8-consecutive days for the first time since December 2011 and felt in control.

I felt on top of the world.

So yes, I may have slip and slided for 3 weeks, but I got myself back on track.

Why?

Because I NEVER want to go back to where I started. So even seeing how a 5 lb gain - even though most of it may have been bloating or what not - was not fun. I felt GROSS. I never thought I would be in the 150s and feel uncomfortable,

But I did.

And now ... I. Am. Back.

So yes I tripped, but before I hurled myself down the rest of the stairs. I caught myself on the railing and picked myself back up.

And THAT is what matters!

Taking A Step Back...

Sometimes the most important thing a person can do is step back from a situation and realize how freakin' strong and bad ass they really are! For me ... that happened twice during the last two days.

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Yesterday, it was during my 12-mile run.

As many of you know, I tend to run/race a lot. Not a lot compared to some of the runners I follow on Twitter, but more than most people I hang out with ... so I have a lot of time to think during those runs.

At this point in time, I am finishing up Half Marathon training, while beginning Full Marathon training. Yeah, I am that crazy. :P

Well last week, I had a disappointing run. I had set out for 11 miles on the morning of July 4 and I only finished 7.25, Yes I know that is a good run. And yes, I know I have knocked out 14 so the mileage on that day didn't totally matter since I am ready for the Half.

But the disappointment with myself made me really realize how much pressure I put on myself. I want to "Finish Everything You Start" - which I have etched on my GoSportID bracelet - and when I don't do that I feel like I not only let myself down, but I let you all down as well.

As I wrote what happened online - feeling dizzy and my legs felt dead - people tweeted to let me know I am not the first person this has happened to and that the world would keep on Spinning if I didn't complete every mile I set out to do. Instead, it was better to listen to my body.

Wow! Hello Perspective... nice to meet you.

I just needed someone else to tell me that it is okay to Fail.

Oohhh I hate that word.

I HATE failing!

So I took a page from the Weight Watchers book and removed that F-word from my vocabulary this week.

I didn't fail at running 11 miles. I instead dominated 7.25 miles ... and went for a 4 mile run the next day to get to 11 total miles run. ;)

Fast forward to yesterday morning ... my last long run before July 22's Half Marathon was on the docket - 12 miles.

I went in to the run saying I would just take in the scenery and just enjoy the run.

And you know what ... I easily finished those 12 miles ... and more importantly enjoyed every minute of it.

I thought to myself during the run about how far I had come. How I hadn't failed because I picked myself up and tried again.

I. Am. Stronger. Than. I. Think. I. Am.

I got to my car after the run, looked in my rearview mirror and said to myself "You are amazing. That girl that never liked to run growing up - just completed a 12 mile run and enjoyed every minute of it. You even kept a sub 9-minute per mile pace. YOU did it."

Wow! I needed that. I needed to take a moment and remember ... I am bad ass. ;)

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The second moment happened this morning...

Since becoming a Weight Watchers Leader, I haven't had a chance to attend a WW meeting as a member.

Wow! It really affected me. I got so wrapped up in helping my members that I forgot why I joined WW to begin with ... for me!

So this morning I attended my first meeting as a member since May and it was EXACTLY what I needed.

I put my WW member hat on, sat in my usual spot in the back of the meeting and took it all in.

I shared. I listened. I laughed. I got support.

But most importantly, I took that little step back ... and thought about me. Thought about my journey. Thought about how far I have come since the first time I walked into that Weight Watchers meeting.

And I once again remembered ... I. Am. Stronger. Than. I. Think. I. Am.

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It's crazy that I was in a funk for a few weeks and two small days turned everything around. For these last two days, I stopped looking at all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas and thought about the cans, the wills and the I wants.

I thought about me.

Grateful...

Today was a time to get out of my own head. To stop fretting about the day-to-day business of life and to really look at the big picture. I guess I can do that with more ease these days now that I have more time to ponder. Yeah ... with this new life, I have A LOT of alone time. Which for some is great. For me? It is an adjustment. I like being with people. Too much alone time and I start overanalyzing life and my own thoughts. Scary, huh?

Overall, I think about the free time as a time for me. To actually listen to those voices in my head that I could more easily squash when I was working many days in a row for many hours. But now, I listen.

Free time allows me to spend more time on my fitness and focus on my running.

I have even broken out of my comfort zone and tried an intramural volleyball team...

My dad made a small comment to me the other day, but it really hit me: "Aren't you happy you have all this time for those road races?"

Yes dad. Yes I am. As I've said many a time, I never thought I would love running as much as I do now, but wow - I am so lucky to have time to run ... and icing on the cake, is having a group of friends that want to run with me. Well, races at least ;)

Still looking for marathon training buddies, if anyone is interested? I'm a good running buddy, I promise. :P

But, more so, the free time is a chance to spend more time with friends, family, the pups and most importantly - the wife. :)

Being able to make my own schedule has allowed the wife and I to even take an afternoon and drive up to Ogunquit, Maine - on a whim.

Oh New England, your beauty sucked me back in immediately!! I love this area of the country and am happy to call it home.

So thank you cosmos ... thank you for allowing my life to take the direction that is has ... thank you for giving me the time to enjoy my wife, pups, friends and families ... thank you for bringing such amazing people into my life ... thank you for dealing me this life!

Shorts - 1, Dani - 0

I couldn't believe that ONE piece of clothing would set my mind back so many steps. I have NEVER been a shorts person. I hate my legs and don't really like to show them off.

Okay, once I lost weight I started to enjoy wearing my "homo shorts" aka guy's shorts - since they were longer in length.

So I will rephrase as I do not like shorter shorts since I still have a big complex with my thighs and the size of them.

But, I am sooo jealous of all the runners out there who are shorts people. I mean I was sweating my booty off in my Lululemon capris and thought if only I had a pair of running shorts.

So I did it. There was a sale at Kohl's and I bought a pair of Tek Gear shorts.

(Non-Scale Victory Disclosure: The shorts I bought are a size Medium!! *Squeal*) 

They look wicked cute and so harmless. ;)

But, they were not. :P

I tried to wear them last Monday morning for my little 5k run and it was horrible. I was self conscious the whole time. Pulling the shorts down. Trying to get them to a position on my hips that felt comfortable ... but I couldn't get it.

Sad face. I wasn't a fan.

To me: I look at this picture and just see how big my thighs look.

That same night I was meeting a friend for Spin so I thought I would give the shorts a try there.

EPIC fail. They were uncomfortable from the moment I sat on the bike. The shorts were too short and I ended up using a towel the whole time to cover up the too much skin that was being shown.

Wow! That day put me in a funk. I felt like I had gained back all 60-ish pounds.

Now, this was my second attempt at running in shorts - the first with a pair of Lululemon running shorts - that also failed as bad as this attempt.

I have learned that I am just not a running in shorts kind of person. Which is fine. I love my Lululemon running capris and have no problem breaking them out. :)

I have embraced being able to wear the Tek Gear shorts in an around the town kind of way.

I am still uber self conscious about the shorts and my thighs, but I don't feel they ride up as much when I am casually walking around.

I know a majority of this is all in my head - losing that fat girl mentality is hard - and something that I continue to work on. But this experience just reminded me again that even though you lose weight - not all clothes will all of a sudden fit perfectly on the body ... or in the mind.

So maybe some day I will try the shorts experiment again, but for now ... I will stick to my running capris! ;)

Raggae Ramble 5k - 6/28/12 - 22:26 (7:15 min/mile)

It may be sad how giddy I get thinking about a night 5k. I mean Thursdays are my busiest days at work so having the fun 5k along the Charles River with my wife and Kim pushed me through that day. Plus, having it an hour later than the last one (Blues Run 5k) gave me time to wind down from work before we headed over to the run. The Summer Run series is a group of five races (one per month) on a Thursday night on the Charles River. The races are usually 4.something miles, but due to construction this year they were shortened to a 5k.

Some people thought the Blues run was shorter than 5k, which I thought might be possible since my time was so much faster than my other PRs. I finished in 22:23 where my other lowest PR is 23:10. But this race started a tad farther back than the previous race, which made me think it would be closer to the 3.1 mile distance.

For me though, these races are about the atmosphere and the post race party. ;) Plus, if you complete all 5 you get a snazzy jacket ... Ooohh!! I am a sucker for race schwag!

I was annoyed at the beginning of the race because the group of runners in front of me spent the entire time complaining about the race and it's organization or in their opinion lack thereof. I just wanted to tap them on the shoulder and say "If you don't like the race, no one is forcing you to run it." I was just so irked by their comments, also because I like the race and it's local feel.

Anyway, it was finally time to start and I thankfully blew past the nay-sayers and got myself into a groove.

I have run the course a thousand times so it is easy to know the ins and outs of the turns and how much farther you really have to run.

There was a group of tourists standing along the River and you could tell they were completely confused as to why a thousand people were bursting towards them with numbers on. It was funny.

As I took the turn that goes in to the last mile of the run, I locked in on some targets and told myself to get down and pass 'em. In the last half mile, I managed to pass three different runners - all female. I felt so accomplished. It made me feel like I did a good job of keeping a little in the tank so I could really let myself free in the final stretch.

I was feeling good until some guy came barreling past me in the last few feet before the Finish Line. Kind of a lame move in my opinion, but I tried to just let it go. It just isn't something I would do - runners courtesy.

But, I grabbed my water and headed to the post race party ... and forgot about the guy that pulled a jerk move.

Mmmm Harpoon :)

My official time came in at 22:26 (7:15 min/mile) and just three seconds slower than the Blues Run 5k. I was 138th out of 1,122 overall and 27th out of 648 females! Wow!

I am still amazed that times like this are coming out of my body.

I definitely think the added length at the start got the race closer to 3.1 miles.

Anyone else run the Raggae Ramble 5k?

Boston Athletic Association 10k - 6/24/12 - 49:28 (7:59 min/mile)

It was funny taking three weeks off in between road races. It was my longest stretch since February/March and I missed the excitement of race day. I think my body was happy with a couple weeks off - instead it got a lot more half marathon training runs and some extra Spin classes with the Sunday crew. :)

But thankfully, it was finally June 24 and time for the BAA 10k - the second of three races making up the BAA Distance Medley.

The few days leading up to the race were H-O-TT HOT! Mid to high 90s, but thankfully it broke before Sunday's race.

All six of us from the Harpoon 5-Miler 6-pack were going to be running this race so it was nice to have so many familiar faces around. :)

We all met by 7:30am and headed over the race. The BAA does races right! They took over the entire Boston Commons so there was plenty of room for everyone to mill around pre-race.

After waiting in the lines for the port-o-potties (and almost missing the start of the race), Kim and I discussed how there should really be a time limit on the time in a port-o-potty pre-race ... since the lines are so long. We were thinking no more than 45 seconds. So as we waited, I started timing people. :P The usual racers were out in about 30 seconds so yes giving everyone 45 seconds seems fair.

Thankfully we made it over to the start in time since there was a wheelchair wave before the runners started.

Kim and I snuck in the 8-9 min/mile pace wave...

The elite runners were off in the first wave of runners - the BAA even gets Boston Marathon winners/participants and Olympians to participate in their 5k, 10k and Half so it's pretty sweet to be around such talented runners!!

It was finally our turn and we were off ... we crossed the Start Line about 4 and a half minutes after the wicked fast people. :)

I hit the Start Line and started bobbing and weaving through the crowd - dodging the baby strollers - as best as possible to get to a stretch where I wasn't tripping over people.

The BAA not only had Mile markers, but also had Kilometer markers - pretty cool. They also had a water station at every mile, which was soooo needed.

The first couple miles were nice and shady through Boston before we hit Commonwealth Ave (the Boston University stretch) and there was the sun. Also, Comm Ave has zero trees. So to say it was a HOT was an understatement. It was brutal.

As I took the right turn on to Comm Ave, the Olympians and Marathoners were already on their way back. It was truly inspiring to see them sprint down the street. Okay, it made me feel bad about myself for a little while as they zoomed past with like 0% body fat, but I tried to get over that. :P

After we crossed the 5k (3.1) mark, we turned around to head back to the Commons.

It was nice to just take in the City as I ran. Seeing so many familiar spots made me fall back in love with Boston.

I hit Mile Four and for the first time ever, I poured the water from the water spot over my head ... and BOY did it feel amazing! :O)

I realized at Mile Six that my Runkeeper was .12 miles ahead of where it shoulda been. Darnit! I was hoping to run just .08 more miles rather than another .2. ;)

I love the final sprint to the finish. The crowds were amazing and really helped push me over the Finish Line.

YES! A new shiny PR!!

My previous PR was from November '11 - 54:30. Yes, that means I cut off OVER five minutes from my time. Hot DAMN!

I was sooo pumped.

To top it off, we got a medal. Yup, you know I love a good race medal.

Afterwards, they had baby pools filled with water bottles, tons of bananas, bagels, power bars and frozen strawberries from Dole. So great.

I couldn't believe how awesome I felt after the race. I was hot - especially since I had on my capris and my Superwoman socks, but I still felt strong.

Thanks to Lululemon, Sparkly Soul, Runkeeper and Racemenu for helping me feel fierce!!

Erin graciously offered for me to shower at her place before the crew got together for Brunch. She even had mimosas! ;)

Once the wife and Adriana came and met us, it was off to brunch. You know I made the group bring their medals to brunch.

After such a horrendous brunch experience at Brownstone after the BAA 5k, we switched up our location and hit up Union Bar and Grilled in the South End. Mmmmm it was delicious!!

I  can't wait to finish up the BAA Distance Medley with the Half Marathon on October 7.

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But for now I look to Thursday, June 28's Raggae Ramble 5k. ;)

Haters Gonna Hate...

Haters are everywhere. It's hard to avoid the when you open your life up to the public on social media - blog, Twitter or Facebook. Having such an open forum allows anyone - and everyone - the ability to voice their opinion. While most of the Fitness/Heath community online is one based on support. motivation and love - there are some people who will sneak in ... and hate.

But online isn't the only place to find people who want to put others down - it happens in the real world as well.

For the most part, my friends and family have been extremely supportive throughout my weight loss and fitness journey. But every once in a while the nonbelievers and backstabbers shine through.

It starts with little backhanded compliments ... the self-deprecating comments that are really a slight at you ... the "why don't you just have some? you said you can eat whatever you want on Weight Watchers" ... the "do you really need to go to the gym again ... etc.

Have you experienced these instances?

If you haven't, I hope you never do.

But, more likely, we all have at one time or another.

The important thing is how we handle these haters...

My immediate reaction when I encountered one in person last week was to drop kick the person. Ha! Okay not really, just maybe in my head. :P

I was a little stumped on what to do. But, I just nodded along as they spoke - not letting on how the tiny comment they made had hurt my feelings.

Instead, I took my feelings out on the pavement. I took their words and channeled them into a workout ... and let me tell you! Wow, I felt more empowered on that run than I had in a little while. :)

Instead of letting the negative comments take me down, I chose to be the bigger person and remember:

I'm Freakin Awesome!

No one can take that away from me - or you!

We Rock!

We are making positive changes for ourselves.

We are doing this for us.

They may be projecting their own insecurities on to us. They may be jealous of what we have accomplished. They may be unhappy at work.

Whatever the reason ... don't let their words bring you down.

We control our own destinies!

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How do you handle the haters?

Running Changes EVERYTHING!!

I think by now you have all realized that I caught the running bug last year  - ok, recaught  the runners bug - but it has stuck this time. When I was younger I never wanted to run, I'm not sure why I was so against it. I'm sure it had to do with feeling uncomfortable in my own body, but I don't remember any specific reasonings behind the dislike...

But then it changed in 2005... I started at the beginning of the year - the first week in January - running just a 1/2 a mile during that week. Week Two, I increased to 3/4 of a mile for the week and proceeded from there...

Next thing I knew I was signing up for road races and actually enjoying lacing up my sneakers and heading out for a run.

Okay, it was more like a jog. I wasn't fast, but I was out there. I was moving one foot in front of the other.

But then all the fun and joy of running came crashing down after an injury in 2006. I hurt my IT band while training for my first marathon - pushed through and completed the marathon ... with a lot of walking - and stopped running completely.

 

Fast forward through a couple years of putting a ton of weight on ... working out, but not running and fueling my body with the unhealthiest of choices ... join Weight Watchers ... start seeing success ... and all of a sudden it's time to give running another shot! ;)

I ran my first race after the September 2006 marathon was the Hot Chocolate 5k on November 1, 2009.

But between work and a back injury in December 2010, I had to hang up my running shoes once again - but this time it WASN'T by choice ... which hurt!

I had finally found something that pushed me farther than I ever thought I could go.

I was cleared to start running again in June 2011 and I haven't looked back. Since being cleared to run, I have completed 25 road races.

And now? Now I am training for my second marathon - and I am ready to BLOW my previous time out of the water!

Why?

Because now I have the desire, self-esteem, self-worth and support to know that I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.

And it has paid off.

On June 6, I completed - no I OWNED - a 14 mile run. The first time I had run that far since September 2006 and as you can see, I was beyond thrilled!

I look forward to any time I can lace up my sneakers and hit the path or chat with someone who is looking to start out running. I love to show that I started out at a 12 min/mile pace and can now proudly say I can keep a 7:30 min/mile pace for a 5k or more.

With hard work, determination, support and the desire to learn about the sport - anyone can be a runner!

If you are looking to start running, I really recommend the C25k (Couch To 5k) program that many of my friends have used to start moving that one foot in front of the other. ;) It is a run-walk method that people even use to complete Half Marathons and Full Marathons.

I also recommend finding a running partner or partners ... so many times my friend Ellie got me out in the worst of Chicago winter weather to run along the Lake. I knew I couldn't let her down - plus she didn't always bring her phone so I couldn't text her to bail.  :P Plus, our weekly runs were free therapy - for both of us. ;)

So happy trails my friends ... and always remember the bling! ;)

Livin' A Dream...

Sometimes - okay a lot of the time - I wonder if this life I am living and this body I now call home are all real ... or just a dream! For so much of my life, I thought about what it would be like to be thinner.

I remember telling my aunt during ninth grade how much better my life would be if I just lost 50 pounds. Okay I actually told her my life would be perfect if I just lost the weight. Yes I know NOW that wasn't true!!

But, changing my life to be a dream ... is much more than the number on the scale.

While I will never forget that I have gotten rid of over 60 pounds off my body, I think about how much more has happened in my life through Weight Watchers, especially:

1) Starting this blog ... opening my life, my successes, my struggles and tips/tricks I have learned along the way with all of you has given me so much more than I could've possibly imagined. I never would've thought I would allow myself to be so vulnerable on such a large forum, but it has paid off dividends.

Even being given the honor of Sparkly Soul's Blogger of the Month for June 2012.

2) People actually wanting to interview me ... I would've never imagined that people would want to hear about my journey. I'm just one person who set out to make my life better - to give myself the happiness I searched for for so long.

Some links:

TimeOut Chicago - December 2011

FUDiet.com - April 2012

Biggest Loser Blog - May 2012

3) Confident, Outgoing and Proud ... these are three adjectives that I would never have used to describe myself unless I had gone through this journey - and now I can't imagine myself any other way. I like - and am learning to love - the person I am becoming!

4) Running ... do you guys know I like to run? Have I mentioned that before? :) Running has changed my life more than I could've expected. Going from the girl that played specific sports that avoided running to training for a marathon is something I didn't see coming ... but I now welcome it with open arms.

It is exhilarating to see what my body and I are capable of doing with hard work. Seeing the results, the bibs and the medals - keep me going each day.

But, more than the results - I now rely on the feelings that come from running. I feel calmer, strong and fierce when I lace up my sneakers and hit the pavement.

...and finally

5) Comfortable ... I feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I enjoy being able to walk into any clothing store and find something on the rack that I can fit in to.

I don't avoid the mirrors at all costs anymore.

I don't hide from the camera.

I am completely honest with my journey - how far I have come and now how I work to live a healthy lifestyle to maintain my new body.

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So to you all, thank you for coming on this journey with me. Living a dream is something so many people strive for and never achieve. Therefore, I am honored and blessed that it finally happened for me...

Even though I would've never thought that at the age of 29, I would be living back in Boston, married, two dogs and a Weight Watchers Leader - I am loving every minute of it!

Remember:

Under Pressure...

...from who? Society? Nope.

Family? Nope.

Work? Nope.

Friends? Nope.

General Population? Nope.

The Dogs? Nope.

Myself? *DING*

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I know that we are always toughest on ourselves, but sometimes I take it to a whole new level ... okay a LOT of the time I take it to a whole new level.

Since deciding to switch careers and move the family cross-country, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed ... and quickly.

I mean - the whole moving thing was all my idea.

If I didn't get my boo-tay in gear and start excelling then the whole trip was a bust ... the whole uprooting my family was my fault.

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So while I have been finding the move back to Boston - A-freakin-mazing, I feel like I haven't been on my "A" game. My fitness suffered slightly, my eating habits hit some speed bumps and while work was going well, I wasn't living up to the expectations I had set in my head.

The self-imposed pressure that had been sitting in my mind and heart hit the forefront over the past couple days ... where little things that happened, turned into big frustrations, which turned into me taking out the emotions on my poor steering wheel (and thus on my hands).

Finally, I cracked.

And this morning, while sitting with the dogs on the bed and being all ready for work ... out came the tears. I'm not talking a cute little tear. I'm talking full on waterworks - a full on Farrah-from Teen Mom - ugly cry. (Especially since I had already done all my makeup for work so there went the mascara)

But, you know what.

I let the tears fall and while they did out came the pain - out came the frustration - out came the pressure.

And I honestly felt amazing after I let it all out.

I released it.

The stress headache magically went out.

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Following the waterworks, I chatted with my wife on gchat while she was at work and she brought me back to reality. If I stumbled and bumbled while getting used to our new life in Boston, the entire move was not for nothing. We did NOT move here for my career. Heck, I didn't have a job when we decided to move. We moved back to the East Coast for me to be closer to family and friends that I missed so much. And for a new adventure together - for our little family.

Perspective.

I don't have to be perfect all the time ... yes I know I am FAR from it ... but sometimes the little voice in my heads keeps pushing:

Be Better.

Be Stronger.

Be Faster.

Be Thinner.

Be Perfect.

But, that is not how I am designed.

I. Am. Human.

And sometimes I just need a little mental freak out to remember that.

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Sharing my journey and life through this blog has helped me so much, but other times - like now - when I just want to curl up in to a ball on my bed ... I feel like sharing my world is a curse.

Showing the world that I am vulernable is hard and scary, but through this whole experience I've learned that it is better to let it out rather than hold it in (see: ugly cry from this morning).

I share what I go through in hopes that it will help someone else going through a similar situation know that they are not alone.

And while it sometimes pains me to bare my soul to the world, I know that it is necessary for me to survive ... and thrive!

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While magically everything can't be fixed in one day and I know I have a lot to still work on and improve on - for today I know, the world will NOT stop spinning if I overindulge one day or miss a workout or forget the plug to my scale at a meeting.

The world will keep on spinning and I will keep on keeping on.

Because...

I  Am Stronger Than I Think I Am

and

I Will Stop Getting In My Own Way!